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Thursday, 29 December 2016

Goodbye 2016

Last night I lay in bed awake for a long time. At times like that I tend to mull over my life and the. Last night was one of those nights….
I went over the last 2 years of my life and realised that I have been such a douche…. I had been asking for independence and the ability to be my own person. Here I was berating over the fact that I was again all locked up in a relationship again and was not my own person anymore. Yet on closer inspection I have been my own worst enemy. 

Here I am in a perfect relationship and I could not even see it. I am with a man who is quite happy to be the quiet one. He has no qualms with me finding my own way, to be adventurous, to start new things. He is not standing my way at all, he is actually my lighthouse that stands there quietly and shows me the way when I lose it.

I have started my vegetable garden, changed my hair colour, gone down to Cape Town, finished an online counselling course and started my small online business and this gentle man has just stood by and allowed me my space. Here I have been frustrated over my life thinking that he is the one pulling me down yet I am the one that is pulling myself down. Yes, I am financially stunted but that is not his fault but my own.

So as the year of 2016 comes to an end I have come to the realisation that 2017 can only be one of the best years yet to come. As I prepare to enter the New Year with a new look on life it can only be good. I am independent, I am free, I am capable of doing whatever I put my mind to it. No more lamenting over the past spilt milk and time to get rocking onto my life as the good Lord intended me to.

So, Goodbye 2016 you were a good year…. Now it is time to say Hello to 2017 which I deem to be an even greater one.

Monday, 19 December 2016

Our Senses

Our senses. Sight, smell, touch, sound and taste.  Most of us don’t even use them to their fullest. Those that loose one of them find that the others become heightened. The blind find that their sense of smell, touch and taste become much more intense, especially sound. To the deaf they find that their sense of touch and smell become intense. We take them for granted until we lose one of them. We need to treasure what was given to us and not neglect them through time.

Have you ever just closed your eyes and then listened to the sounds that surround you. Close your eyes when you take a morsel of food and find how different food tastes. Allow your taste buds to explore the taste and texture of the food.  Sitting outside watching the sun set and the wonder hit me again. It is amazing how even our sight we take for granted. I was watching the bats weave and dip around the trees and structures. Their sense of sound in the sound waves they omit gives them the grace to fly so fast in the dark. I often sit outside in the cool afternoon and just close my eyes and clear my mind. I allow the sounds of my surroundings to filter through and relish the touch of the gentle breeze as it caresses my skin. I find myself at peace with the world and myself when I allow my senses to roam free.

When last have you actually sat down and look at the wonders around you. The wind gently teasing the leaves of the nearby tree, the sound of the bees as they hover over the sweet promise of nectar from the colourful flowers. Look at a child as they play and discover nature, the absolute pure joy in chasing a butterfly, the jumping over and in a puddle. When they taste something for the first time. God in His Infinite Wisdom blessed us with these wonders and when we have small children we tend to see all the wonders again through their eyes.  When we acknowledge our senses our lives become more enriched in my opinion. God has built this glorious wonderland called Earth for us to explore to the fullest.  We need to literally stop and smell the roses again, to breathe in that roasted coffee aroma, to feel the silkiness of running water as it flows over our skin. To see our world around us, to touch the softness of a baby’s skin. We need to wake up and become one with the universe around us. To stop being in robot mode and start to enjoy the life that we have been given.

We are not immortal and we need to remember this before it is too late. Life is for the living, we must remember that we are here to live and learn not just to make money and work and try to out do the next person. We cannot take our possession with us when we die. So enjoy what you have now.

Wednesday, 14 December 2016

Short Poem


Locked away
Screaming inside
Lost and alone
Fighting for sanity
Crawling to safety
Need freedom
Need to cry
Need to fly

Fire burning
Bright and high
Need to go
Need to shout
Need to scream

Need to GO

Wednesday, 7 December 2016

Musings of 2016

As the year drawers to a close we tend to look back and see what we have done for the year. To be honest this year has flown by pretty quickly for me. A blink of an eye and the year is gone. This year I have gained a gorgeous little Grandson and have started a small online second hand book store called Ambrosia. I have started 2 blogs, one a personal diary type and now a funky travel blog. I hope that one day it will hit off and get some good followers.  I have finished a course in Methods of Counselling and have yet to receive the Certificate but have completed it with good marks. I am very proud of myself for that. I have planted a vegetable garden and am proud of the sweat I planted towards it. It has flourished and is showing much “fruit”.  As to personal growth I can’t say that I have grown much as a person. I seem to be stagnate in that area. I have had my ups and downs on the emotional rollercoaster. I have read a few very good books.

My dreams are still out there of international travel. Maybe the Gods will be good to me and grant me my dreams next year. I know that my country is beautiful and I so hope to be able to travel around it next year as well and post on my travel blog.

So, actually, when I look back on 2016 I have accomplished much even though I have thought that I have not. Maybe, it is not always about personal growth but what we have accomplished as a person. Who knows, maybe next year will be the year of personal growth. Time to get out the Christmas decorations and the tree and to be thankful for what I have and not long for that which I do not have. I should count my blessings daily and not get reminded of it. I have a roof over my head, a warm bed to sleep in and now privacy as well. I have my health and I have my children and grandson and soon another is to join the family. Sometimes the finances are hard but at least I am not sleeping on the pavement. My sons have good jobs and good wives. They have good lives and I am truly blessed to say that I raised my boy’s right. To respect their elders and their parents. I have maybe not been the perfect Mother but my boys are well adjusted and independent men.

So as 2016 drawers to a close I look towards the future with open eyes, with the knowledge that the world is still wide and wonderful. That it holds much for me still. My dreams are still real and possible and I can do all things through His Grace.

The best is yet to come…..

Thursday, 1 December 2016

The Cheese

The Cheese

I have just finished reading a very short book called Who Moved my Cheese and I must say it was a good “food for thought” book. Roughly it is about 2 mice called Sniff (sometimes we may act like him who sniffs out change early), Scurry (who scurries into action), 2 Littlepeople called Hem(who denies and resists change as he fears it will lead to something worse) and Haw(who learns to adapt in time when he sees changing can lead to something better.

The Cheese in the book is the thing we want the most. To some it is work orientated, a marriage, a relationship, health, freedom, spiritual peace, sport orientated or whatever it is that you believe it is that makes you happy. The mice are the simple side of us and the Littlepeople is the complex side of us. The 4 characters roam a maze looking for the Cheese until they find it. They go every day to take their fill of it. The mice, however, don’t just go and eat they sniff around the area every day and do not put away their running gear and hang it around their necks. The Littlepeople become very complacent and enjoy the cheese. They brag about it to their friends and family, bring their homes nearer to it and eventually become possessive of the cheese.  Till one day they come there to find that it is gone. The mice had arrived early (like they did every day) and when they found it gone they immediately went out into the maze again to go looking for it. The Littlepeople arrived late in the morning and when they found it gone they went into a tizz. This went on for awhile, every day they came back to the section hoping to find it back.

Sniff and Scurry had eventually found the new Cheese in a newer undiscovered section of the maze and enjoyed it. Hem and Haw refused to leave the comfort of the section that they knew to go looking until Haw finally realised that the Cheese was not coming back and left to go looking alone in the maze. Hem refused to leave and stayed where he was. During the course of Hem’s search in the maze he came to quite a few realisations about change. He finally lost his fear of the unknown and ventured further into the maze until he finally found the New Cheese and his 2 mice friends. He never again became complacent and kept his running shoes around his neck. He would check the section every day for possible change. He realised that Change was good and exciting.

This little book has made it clear to me again that I must embrace the change in my life. To look at it as an adventure, to expect another change soon enough and to be ready for it. To see change is to realise that life is awesome, even when it doesn’t seem like it at the moment. To face ones fears head on and to envision what you want in life. To paint that picture mentally or verbally every day until finally it is upon you.  I would recommend this book to anybody who is fighting change. Who is afraid of new things, to learn to perceive when change is about to happen and to follow it? So, no more ranting and raving over lost dreams for me. My life has changed for a reason and I will continue to paint the pictures of travel in my mind and will continue to talk about it as it will happen eventually. I have decided that I am Hem in this book and will move towards the change in my life. I will accept that things do not stay the say all the time. To stop being comfortable in my life. To face all the fears that I haven’t faced as yet. Maybe, that is my lesson to learn in life as yet. Maybe that is why I haven’t moved on yet.

Time to go into the Maze of Life and go and find My Cheese……….