I came, I saw, I conquered!

Change, how I use to dread change of any kind. I use to hate moving house and  I have moved quite a good few times, since childhood I can count 13 times to be exact. Makes you actually realise why I use to hate change (and moving). But yes, change of any sort I kinda cringed at it. I would spiral into a spat of depression at the thought of having to give up the comfort zone that I had created.

But look at me know! I have come to embrace change and even encourage it. I have started to open my mind to the amazing opportunities that are out there. To leave my comfort zone and go and explore the unknown. I have moved to a province 4 years ago on my own and far away from any safety net of family and I love the freedom of it. I loved the absolute stunned reactions to those close around me when I did this. I have started to study again and to expand my mind. I have allowed myself to become a new version of my old self.

Change is good for you, it allows you to explore that which is around you. To head into avenues that you have always avoided. Comfort zones are good but it can be boring and you will find yourself becoming stagnate.

Now I am not saying to go and be a daredevil and do dangerous things but go and try out new things, move house into a new area, step out of that comfort zone and live your life to the max. Go out there and voice your opinions, be brave and cut your hair into a daring new hairstyle, colour it outrageously. Go skydiving, go on a safari that you have always wanted to go on, try a new sport, and go on that adventure that you have always dreamed of. Write that novel that is sitting in your head, become that poet you think that you are. Stop worrying what others will think of you and reinvent yourself.

Now, I am not just meaning Change in the sense of clothes, work, house and the physical things, I am also talking about change in yourself. Stop being a doormat, learn to say No and actually mean it. Stop being a pushover and let someone else take the limelight for a change. Be more accepting of others and their faults, be more human, become more independent, say what you mean and mean what you say. Stop being a real arrogant A-hole and actually listen to those around you. Stop being that ‘pleasing others’ person and stand up for yourself.

Oh I can go on and on but I think you kinda get the message.

Go ahead and conquer that deep fear inside you. 

I am changing my way of thinking on a daily basis and yes, I know it is hard but if I can do it at my age, you sure can……

Change……how I relish it now!

I CAME, I SAW AND I SURELY CONQUORED MOST OF MY FEARS AROUND CHANGE!

Forgiveness is Freedom

Forgiveness is such a strong word. It has the ability to set you free in both body and mind. To have unforgiveness in your heart is to liken it to being in jail. Unforgiveness makes you its prisoner, you become your own worst enemy. You actually give the other party a firm hold over you. That person has all the power over you without even realising it and you find yourself the victim all over again. The bitterness builds up inside you and it actually makes you sick. To walk around blindly in the darkness of unforgiveness and not see the beauty of life around you.

It is all about having a positive attitude in life. It takes a lot to forgive the other party but in reality it is more for you than for them. It frees up your mind and releases all bitterness in your heart. Why do you want to go around being unhappy and bitter with life? So, somebody upsets you, cheats on you, hurts you and generally life gives you a hard kick in the butt and gut. How else are we going to learn life’s lessons, how else are we going to get wise and grow as a person. Yes, it hurts like crap but eventually forgiving the other party allows you to move on in life. It gives you the necessary peace of mind.

I have had unforgiveness in my heart and had to learn to forgive (not necessary to forget) and it felt like a weight off my shoulder. And it felt great not be bitter and unhappy. It was hard and took awhile but I did it and so can you.

Forgiveness is freedom. It is your own choice whether to accept the hurtful deeds or words into your heart.

 Do you want to? Or do you want to let it just wash over you like water on a duck’s back?

 Do you want to be the victim or do you want to be free?

Life is way too short and interesting to let unforgiveness rule you.

 Let it go. Release it all. 

Levelling up

When we were young children we could not wait to grow older, to be an adult, little did we know that when we hit our adult years we would look back with absolute fondness to our carefree childhood days.

Being pre-teen we looked forward to being a teenager, to be able to go into the movies that had those age 16 upwards restrictions. Oh, when we turned that sweet 16…..then we were excited as turning 18 was just around the corner. Then it was that grand golden key time of turning 21 years of age. That age that gave us the freedom to the world. But soon that 20 something turned into the 30 something, which came with the responsibilities of child rearing, marriage and job restrictions. 

Then, before you know it, you have reached that grand level of 50 club. Then we have a tendency to look back at our lives and wonder that if we had done certain things differently, if our lives would have turned out differently

.

The youngsters look at us with absolute bewilderment when we tell them to stop wanting to grow older and just relax and enjoy each birth year that you have been blessed with. Those years go by in a blink of an eye. Never wish or wile away the years to be older. Being older is not necessary any better, more wisdom to impart to those that have ears to hear and the heart to imply yes. Yet, to level up into the grand years can be enchanting and exciting as well. Less responsibilities, less worries and more time to just let loose and enjoy each precious birth year that is blessed to you.

Birthdays are a grand affair for all ages. One is never too old to enjoy a good birthday. Some are happy, exciting, fun filled times, and others can be quiet and relaxed. Levelling up in the Game of Life can be exciting or terrifying, depending on how you view it.

So to all out there having a birthday and reading this, Raise your Glass and toast yourself to another Level Up.

Well done and may your future Levelling ups be of a grand and auspicious nature.

Symbiotic side of life

The Oxford Dictionary defines Symbiosis as:

1)      A relationship between two types of animal or plant in which each provides for the other the conditions necessary for its continued existence.

2)      A relationship between people or organizations that depend on each other equally.

A Symbiotic relationship can sometimes be beneficial and then again it can also be harmful. To get into the technical side, the list of symbiotic relationships can vary between mutualism, commensalism and parasitism, though these grade into each other, and it is often difficult to tell which is involved in a given relationship. In mutualism, both organisms benefit.

How many of us have a symbiotic relationship, whether with your husband, lover or in the work place or even in the family units around us. The main question is whether it is beneficial to you or whether it is in the harmful, destructive side of life. We all need someone, depend on someone or something in our life’s journey.

 As adults, can we function without being symbiotic? Are we a symbiotic nation? Is it natural to live off others, to the benefit of ourselves, or are we just being selfish and just thinking of ourselves when we feed off the other party for our own mutual benefit. Most symbiotic relationships work well together, one party feeding the other party’s needs in a mutual beneficial manner, living together in harmony.

An interesting, thought provoking topic…… Are we supposed to be a Symbiotic Nation? A people born into symbiosis, brought up in a symbiotic world. Can we survive totally on our own?

 What are your views on this?

Is this as good as it gets?

Is this a good as it gets?

Who of us is guilty of having had that thought roam through your head? To let it take hold and find anchor and make you take a good look around you and wonder “Is this it? Is this all that my life has to offer?”

Have you just let it rule you or have you had the gumption to break out of that mould and actually do something about it. To allow that thought to trap you in its web is liken to a fly caught in the spider’s web and just given up and waits, giving feeble attempts to escape but eventually just accepts its fate and allows that spider to enfold it and consume it. We are all guilty of wondering and feeling sorry for ourselves. To have allowed ourselves that fleeting moment of pure acceptance of our fate of the mundane.

Some have managed to break free from those silken bonds and have become the travellers, the adventures, the spontaneous, the optimists and the lovers of life in all its glory. Some are in the throes of thrashing very hard to break free and are the rebels trying to make a stand for themselves and then some have just given up and have become the cynics, the pessimists and the dour people of life.

So, who are you?

Writer's Block

You sit at your computer, power it up and then open up the Word perfect, fingers poised over the key board and then it happens…… Wham! Writer’s block! Not a single thought filters through your head. Blank, plain blank.

All the thoughts that you had been thinking of, all the ideas to write on suddenly are all gone. You make an attempt to put words to screen then find yourself deleting all that you have written. You get your daily Prompt via email but yet still nothing!

I am not one to write on Politics (to political for my brain), Religion is also a big No-No for me (very sensitive subject). So, maybe I should write about the many books I read, the love of movies or the love of life and my dogs. Maybe I should write about the antics while being a police office or about my dreams of travel and adventures that have not happened as yet. So with all these potential subjects to write on… Why the Block?

Ugh the absolute frustrating feeling that rushes through you. You feel like a complete failure, a blockhead! You start to question yourself…… Are you really any good at writing a blog? Is this really for you? At this precise moment my laptop is on my lap and my feet are doing a dance and I am wondering What do I write about….. hmmmm maybe a short note on Writer’s Block…..

Why Me?

Why me? These two simple words next to each other have the ability to turn us into Victim mode. Why me! The eternal lament of the world when things do not go according to plan. When things go wrong or when tragedy strikes that is the first two words that we utter. We yell it out, we cry it out, and we make those words surround us in that bubble called Pity Me.

 Yes, things go wrong and tragedy happens to us all, some in a big way and others in small, insignificant ways. It is the easy way out and yes, I have been a victim of those two words too. We tend to forget that life has seasons.

Just like in Nature which has its Autumn, Winter, Spring and Summer so do our lives revolve around Seasons? These Life Seasons are there to make us grow as a person, to mould us into better, stronger people. We are given Trials for our Autumn and Winter Seasons and when we look back onto them in our Spring and Summer seasons we can see that God (Universe) never gives us too much to handle.  Just enough to make us grow in Faith and Strength and Wisdom… that is, if we allow ourselves to grow and not fall into the Why Me trap and just wallow around in self-pity. We need to look around us and see that there are those worse off than what we are going through. There are those that have had serious tragedies and loss and yet still smile and move forward in great Strength. We need to learn from them. To seek wisdom from them.

We need to turn the Why Me over into Try Me and seek the growth that is given with it. 

Learning

Why is it that when we are in school learning sucks big time. We cannot wait to leave school, to be all grown up, yet when we hear our elders telling us to enjoy our young years we just blow them off. Then we kinda get lost in the world around us with our daily work, marriages and child rearing. The children eventually leave the nest and we just wonder around the house. Then it hits us! Why don’t we start doing online courses, those distance learning courses. For us that were unable to go to university or college it is the ideal learning tool. Then we can’t get enough of the stuff. We page through course after course trying to decide what to study.

I am very guilty of that. I have just finished 2 courses and am looking for a 3^rd course to study. Now I want to fill my mind with knowledge, I have an insatiable urge to grasp all that I should have learnt when I was younger. But true to the saying “Better late than never” I will endeavour to forge forth and soak up all that I can before my brain truly succumbs to age. I fill my mind up with articles on travel and have my dreams to hang on to.

Learning…… we are never to old that is for sure.

A world without Writers is a World without Books

Books are the doorway to immense wealth in the sense of knowledge gained, to using one's imagination into a world unlike the one we live in. How many of you still indulge in reading? Most seem to loose the lustre of reading when they hit the adult world. No longer have time for it, way too busy with work or with the raising of children. How many of you still read to your children at night or even during the day? Do you open their minds to all the possibilities out there in their imagination or do you just plonk them in front of the television or games centers so that they can entertain your child.

To me books hold the key to the wonders of the world. Whether you love the good old fashion book with the pages and scents of around the world or the electronic kind that is for easy usage. They are filled with the sights and sounds of the outside world. They can take you anywhere you want to go. To the cultures around the world, to the workings of a politicians mind, to the escapism from reality into the world of Dragons and Knights, of Murder and Mystery. Book or rather should I say to the writers around the world I say thank you for your amazing ability to take us readers to wherever we want to go. To be able to suck us into your world through your brilliant usage of words.

I cannot see our world without our writers...... can you?

Parenting

As children we thought that being a parent sucked. They were strict and restricted us from having fun. They were like a prison guard and monitored our every move and that proverbial “Blue Bird” that told all, especially when we hit those delightful teenage years. Oh how we revolted against having parents. The curfew times where a drag and seriously stunted our fun days.  And didn’t you just hate it when they threw that “wait till you have kids then you will understand” at you.

Then we hit the 20 something years and we start to see our parents through new eyes. We turned to them for advice on certain things, learned on them a bit more for moral support and also the financial support. Then we have our own children and boy does it hit home. Those words that were uttered by our parents come back to haunt us. The “wait till you have kids” speech. That speech turns out to be so true. How do then turn to our parents for more than just moral support, we turn to them and see them in a new light. How do we appreciate our parents now? We can now see what they went through, all the sacrifices that they made so that we could live without fear and worries. The truths that they kept hidden from us on finances and food worries. How much they gave up just so that we, as children, would not go without. 

The boundaries that they set up for us then make sense to us know. Why they were set up was to keep us safe and to give us structure. The discipline given was to make us into the mature grown adults we are today. So what do we do? We start to do the same with our children. We try to give them the same safe structure that was given to us. We try to instil into them the history that was given to us. We turn into our parents…..the ones that we always use to say that we didn’t want to be like. The same words come out of our mouths……but, yet, this time around we are proud to be like them. Proud to have turned into the adults we are today because of what they did for us. All we can hope for is that what we were taught we can carry over into our children and hope and pray that they turn out to be well adjusted mature adults too.

I use to dread turning into my Mother, now, when I look into the mirror and see her face staring back at me I am quite proud to be called My Mother’s Daughter. I miss her a lot, I miss her laughter, her nutty ways and most of all her wisdom and her love. Never take your parents for granted because the day will come when they are no longer around and the longing for days gone by hits you like a brick wall. All the “what ifs” come rushing in so do now what you can for them. Love them and care for them even if they are hard to live with because when they are gone, they are gone for good. Soak up all the wisdom and advice that they give you even if you do not need it now as there will come a day when you do need it and it is residing in you to take it and use it.

Parenting is not an easy thing to do. You make mistakes but you learn by it. No parent is perfect, even your own parents. It is a full time occupation and not to be taken lightly. It is never over even when your children have children of their own. It is for a life time and can be a most amazing experience that we are blessed with.

Parents…..love them, enjoy them, and take care of them and most of all Treasure them.

Enter the New Year

Day 2 of the year 2017 and the world still seems to be asleep. The remembrance of the celebrations are still hanging in the air. Even the cars sound slow on the roads outside. It is as if time has stood still, awaiting the awakening of the world to the New Year. The Auld Lange Syne has been sung and the streamers have been thrown, champagne corks have popped and toasts have been toasted. Families have gotten together and had their family time for the New Year’s Day braai time. Christmas decorations are ready to be put away and out comes the “get ready for the back to school” goodies.

New Year’s Resolutions are being made only to be broken within the first month. My resolution is not to make any but to just improve myself and my way of life. To not make myself miserable with all the “what ifs” that still hang ripe in the air. To take this year by the horns and run with it. To make it my own. The Astrologists and Numerologists have said that the year 2016 was the year of endings and now the New Year of 2017 is to be the Year of New Beginnings. Which I find very apt in my line of thought. I have a new grandchild on the way, my other little cowboy turns a whole glorious 1 year and I have a new daughter in law on the way. I intend to push forward and grow my little online second hand book store and just throw myself wholeheartedly into this year.

To have no regrets, to strive to live to the fullest, to love my God even more and to totally stand in His Faith and shine in His Grace. To own this bloody peri menopause crap that I am going through and to strive to see the good in all the bad, to see the silver lining in that which goes wrong. To learn by my mistakes and to own them. To grow as a person and yes, to even try to eat a lot healthier.

My goals are simple and obtainable so as the sleepy, humid Day 2 creeps into the afternoon, I find that my heart and mind are in sync with each other. To love more and to live more. God willing I have another good 30 – 40 years left on this great Earth so I want to enjoy them to the best of my ability. I want to live to the grand old age of in my 90s and have fun with my grandchildren. To become that Nana that will make an impact on their lives. I want to be able to impart my knowledge to not only them but to those I come into contact with.

We live a life and learn and to go to the grave without sharing our knowledge is surely not what this life is all about. To help others, to teach others, to learn from others and be helped by them. We are given this life to learn and teach and to grow and to enjoy what is given to us.

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” – C.S. Lewis

Goodbye 2016

Last night I lay in bed awake for a long time. At times like that I tend to mull over my life and the. Last night was one of those nights….

I went over the last 2 years of my life and realised that I have been such a douche…. I had been asking for independence and the ability to be my own person. Here I was berating over the fact that I was again all locked up in a relationship again and was not my own person anymore. Yet on closer inspection I have been my own worst enemy. 

Here I am in a perfect relationship and I could not even see it. I am with a man who is quite happy to be the quiet one. He has no qualms with me finding my own way, to be adventurous, to start new things. He is not standing my way at all, he is actually my lighthouse that stands there quietly and shows me the way when I lose it.

I have started my vegetable garden, changed my hair colour, gone down to Cape Town, finished an online counselling course and started my small online business and this gentle man has just stood by and allowed me my space. Here I have been frustrated over my life thinking that he is the one pulling me down yet I am the one that is pulling myself down. Yes, I am financially stunted but that is not his fault but my own.

So as the year of 2016 comes to an end I have come to the realisation that 2017 can only be one of the best years yet to come. As I prepare to enter the New Year with a new look on life it can only be good. I am independent, I am free, I am capable of doing whatever I put my mind to it. No more lamenting over the past spilt milk and time to get rocking onto my life as the good Lord intended me to.

So, Goodbye 2016 you were a good year…. Now it is time to say Hello to 2017 which I deem to be an even greater one.

Our Senses

Our senses. Sight, smell, touch, sound and taste.  Most of us don’t even use them to their fullest. Those that loose one of them find that the others become heightened. The blind find that their sense of smell, touch and taste become much more intense, especially sound. To the deaf they find that their sense of touch and smell become intense. We take them for granted until we lose one of them. We need to treasure what was given to us and not neglect them through time.

Have you ever just closed your eyes and then listened to the sounds that surround you. Close your eyes when you take a morsel of food and find how different food tastes. Allow your taste buds to explore the taste and texture of the food.  Sitting outside watching the sun set and the wonder hit me again. It is amazing how even our sight we take for granted. I was watching the bats weave and dip around the trees and structures. Their sense of sound in the sound waves they omit gives them the grace to fly so fast in the dark. I often sit outside in the cool afternoon and just close my eyes and clear my mind. I allow the sounds of my surroundings to filter through and relish the touch of the gentle breeze as it caresses my skin. I find myself at peace with the world and myself when I allow my senses to roam free.

When last have you actually sat down and look at the wonders around you. The wind gently teasing the leaves of the nearby tree, the sound of the bees as they hover over the sweet promise of nectar from the colourful flowers. Look at a child as they play and discover nature, the absolute pure joy in chasing a butterfly, the jumping over and in a puddle. When they taste something for the first time. God in His Infinite Wisdom blessed us with these wonders and when we have small children we tend to see all the wonders again through their eyes.  When we acknowledge our senses our lives become more enriched in my opinion. God has built this glorious wonderland called Earth for us to explore to the fullest.  We need to literally stop and smell the roses again, to breathe in that roasted coffee aroma, to feel the silkiness of running water as it flows over our skin. To see our world around us, to touch the softness of a baby’s skin. We need to wake up and become one with the universe around us. To stop being in robot mode and start to enjoy the life that we have been given.

We are not immortal and we need to remember this before it is too late. Life is for the living, we must remember that we are here to live and learn not just to make money and work and try to out do the next person. We cannot take our possession with us when we die. So enjoy what you have now.

Short Poem

NEED TO

Locked away

Screaming inside

Lost and alone

Fighting for sanity

Crawling to safety

Need freedom

Need to cry

Need to fly

Fire burning

Bright and high

Need to go

Need to shout

Need to scream

Need to GO

Musings of 2016

As the year drawers to a close we tend to look back and see what we have done for the year. To be honest this year has flown by pretty quickly for me. A blink of an eye and the year is gone. This year I have gained a gorgeous little Grandson and have started a small online second hand book store called Ambrosia. I have started 2 blogs, one a personal diary type and now a funky travel blog. I hope that one day it will hit off and get some good followers.  I have finished a course in Methods of Counselling and have yet to receive the Certificate but have completed it with good marks. I am very proud of myself for that. I have planted a vegetable garden and am proud of the sweat I planted towards it. It has flourished and is showing much “fruit”.  As to personal growth I can’t say that I have grown much as a person. I seem to be stagnate in that area. I have had my ups and downs on the emotional rollercoaster. I have read a few very good books.

My dreams are still out there of international travel. Maybe the Gods will be good to me and grant me my dreams next year. I know that my country is beautiful and I so hope to be able to travel around it next year as well and post on my travel blog.

So, actually, when I look back on 2016 I have accomplished much even though I have thought that I have not. Maybe, it is not always about personal growth but what we have accomplished as a person. Who knows, maybe next year will be the year of personal growth. Time to get out the Christmas decorations and the tree and to be thankful for what I have and not long for that which I do not have. I should count my blessings daily and not get reminded of it. I have a roof over my head, a warm bed to sleep in and now privacy as well. I have my health and I have my children and grandson and soon another is to join the family. Sometimes the finances are hard but at least I am not sleeping on the pavement. My sons have good jobs and good wives. They have good lives and I am truly blessed to say that I raised my boy’s right. To respect their elders and their parents. I have maybe not been the perfect Mother but my boys are well adjusted and independent men.

So as 2016 drawers to a close I look towards the future with open eyes, with the knowledge that the world is still wide and wonderful. That it holds much for me still. My dreams are still real and possible and I can do all things through His Grace.

The best is yet to come…..

The Cheese

The Cheese

I have just finished reading a very short book called Who Moved my Cheese and I must say it was a good “food for thought” book. Roughly it is about 2 mice called Sniff (sometimes we may act like him who sniffs out change early), Scurry (who scurries into action), 2 Littlepeople called Hem(who denies and resists change as he fears it will lead to something worse) and Haw(who learns to adapt in time when he sees changing can lead to something better.

The Cheese in the book is the thing we want the most. To some it is work orientated, a marriage, a relationship, health, freedom, spiritual peace, sport orientated or whatever it is that you believe it is that makes you happy. The mice are the simple side of us and the Littlepeople is the complex side of us. The 4 characters roam a maze looking for the Cheese until they find it. They go every day to take their fill of it. The mice, however, don’t just go and eat they sniff around the area every day and do not put away their running gear and hang it around their necks. The Littlepeople become very complacent and enjoy the cheese. They brag about it to their friends and family, bring their homes nearer to it and eventually become possessive of the cheese.  Till one day they come there to find that it is gone. The mice had arrived early (like they did every day) and when they found it gone they immediately went out into the maze again to go looking for it. The Littlepeople arrived late in the morning and when they found it gone they went into a tizz. This went on for awhile, every day they came back to the section hoping to find it back.

Sniff and Scurry had eventually found the new Cheese in a newer undiscovered section of the maze and enjoyed it. Hem and Haw refused to leave the comfort of the section that they knew to go looking until Haw finally realised that the Cheese was not coming back and left to go looking alone in the maze. Hem refused to leave and stayed where he was. During the course of Hem’s search in the maze he came to quite a few realisations about change. He finally lost his fear of the unknown and ventured further into the maze until he finally found the New Cheese and his 2 mice friends. He never again became complacent and kept his running shoes around his neck. He would check the section every day for possible change. He realised that Change was good and exciting.

This little book has made it clear to me again that I must embrace the change in my life. To look at it as an adventure, to expect another change soon enough and to be ready for it. To see change is to realise that life is awesome, even when it doesn’t seem like it at the moment. To face ones fears head on and to envision what you want in life. To paint that picture mentally or verbally every day until finally it is upon you.  I would recommend this book to anybody who is fighting change. Who is afraid of new things, to learn to perceive when change is about to happen and to follow it? So, no more ranting and raving over lost dreams for me. My life has changed for a reason and I will continue to paint the pictures of travel in my mind and will continue to talk about it as it will happen eventually. I have decided that I am Hem in this book and will move towards the change in my life. I will accept that things do not stay the say all the time. To stop being comfortable in my life. To face all the fears that I haven’t faced as yet. Maybe, that is my lesson to learn in life as yet. Maybe that is why I haven’t moved on yet.

 

Time to go into the Maze of Life and go and find My Cheese……….

Chocolate Orgasm

Chocolate..... That secret delight that can take you places you have never experienced. How can one describe to a non chocolate eater the absolute exquisite feelings that you have when you indulge in the elicit joys of that sweet decadent heavenly delight. The warm sensation that fills your soul and takes you to that place where nobody can touch you. 

How does one eat a heavenly delight..... only with your eyes closed! 

One has to have all your  taste senses heightened when you indulge. First the scent of the chocolate.... it must fill up every pore of your body, then comes the taste..... the sensation must be of exotic warmth that takes you on a journey of absolute taste shattering experience. Then comes the feelings of  utter joy and contentment, the sigh of utter peace and happiness at the swallow of the last piece of glorious chocolate. The euphoria that fills your body afterwards is one of comfort, joy and peace. 

Whether it be pure chocolate or in cake or dessert form....nothing can replace that orgasmic feeling of pure elicit delights that come in the form of that tiny cocoa bean.....

Fury

There are different kinds of anger, the righteous one where you are angry over the way the world handles thing, the kind that has to do with animals, women and children and the such. That anger is controlled (to an extent) and can be explainable. Then there is the anger that is borderline on fury. That is the dangerous one, that kind of anger, if not controlled, can lead to such pain and misery. That kind of anger is the kind that builds up over time and has no escape. The anger that boils beneath the surface of a normally calm exterior. The feelings that have been built up through frustration and the fact that you just always want to avoid conflict and just live in peace.

Then one day it flows over and can become blind rage, the fury that flows from a person through their mouth is like acid rain. The words drip with the intent to hurt, to harm, to cause irreparable damage to the person unto whom the words are flung. You want to see that person hurt, to see them scorched by the words, to cause that person such pain that it would seem to ease your pain. I have tried to avoid such fury as I have been one to fling such violence and have seen the hurt in the eyes. The hurt that is so bad that it is never forgotten even when you are forgiven for it. I have tried so hard to contain myself and have been good for a good many years. But not yesterday....

Yesterday I felt it all boil over and out the words came. I must say though that I did contain myself in the sense that the most of the heat that I want to fling out I kept inside but enough was said to cause damage. Now I sit with the knowledge that I have broken up a family unit. That I caused the rift between a father and son. Even though he has said that it is not my fault and that he will stand behind me I feel that I am not a good person. I feel devastated yet I will not run after a child (22 years) and make peace because I yelled at his girlfriend.

Now as I type this I watch them walk passed with their belongings as they are both moving out the house. To allow the reader a bit of knowledge, His girlfriend is 22 as well and lazy and dirty, he is also unemployed, no car licence and also on the lazy side. He is stubborn and one minded and cannot take criticism  of any kind. He is always right and cannot have a decent conversation over things involving him or her without it turning into a loud yelling match. He has no respect for himself or for those around him.

Now do I take peace in the knowledge that I was okay to have those words or do I have to take stock of myself again and become the quiet mouse I was. Do I stand up for myself in the knowledge that I did not say all the damming words that I wanted to say.

All in all rage and fury and anger is not a good emotion to have.  I am devastated in the fact that I had let myself go and allowed it to flow from me. Words hurt and kill more than any weapon I know.

The unconditional love of an animal

How may of us know the unconditional love of an animal. The love that they give us should set an example of how we should love and accept others around us. I have 2 dogs and a gorgeous, very independent black cat. Now the 2 dogs are a cross between a Great Dane and a Boerboel and the other one is a black and tan Daschund (or Doxie). They are both males and have been neutered to prevent any aggression between them.

 My doxie (named Dobby due to his very long ears) has a nasty filthy habit of finding the Hadeda Birds poop and rolling in it..... always on the same spot by the right hand shoulder.... and then he always comes running to me to show me his delight! Well, straight into the bath he goes each time. But no matter how many times I plop him into the bath he will still come to me afterwards and does not even sulk (like most of them do). I call my boy "a nibbler" as he loves to nibble on my clothes as a sign of love... others get the sloppy wet kisses but me, I get the nibbles. During the day he is not much of a cuddle bunny and will rather just follow me around.  Bed time is cuddle time for him and me.... He will snuggle under the covers and rest his head on either my belly or lay in the crook of my arm with his head on my arm. 

My boerdane is another story altogether and is not ashamed of begging for attention and love at any given time of the day or night. He will lean into you or try to sit on your lap. He loves to have his ears scratched and will come and put his head down between your legs just so that you can scratch him. Now he is the one to watch out for.... Do not come near me when there is nobody at home or else he will eat you....  When I go out and walk to the shop he will look over the wall and howl to the world that his mommy has left him. Even when I am just outside the gate chatting he will sit and put up a stinker of a howl and this intern will set off Dobby the Doxie to howl with him.....

But all said and done to get back to the love that these animals have for their own is truly amazing. If only the world could have the simple joys of life like them. All they want is love and warmth and a bowl of food each day. Not much to ask is it? When you come back after a day out at work or just been out of their sight for 3 min. its like they have not seen you for 'the longest time' ever. The absolute joy at the sight of their loved one is truly a sight to behold. 

When you let them into your hearts it is to stay and when they have to leave this world to go over the Rainbow Bridge it is always heart wrenching. I once read that the reason that dogs live so short a life is that they have no lessons to learn only to show you what love is all about. Once you have learnt all that they can teach you then it is time for their short lives to come to an end and to leave you with the memories and warmth of their love. 

New Ventures

Yesterday was a new venture by starting a Travel Blog on the WorldPress blogging site. It is called Granny on the Move and will be about my out and about time as I venture forth into the world of tasting and viewing. I intend to go to all the small places here in South Africa and find the gems that are hidden from view. Not the normal tourist places but the smaller ones that we miss. One day I will venture forth into the great world and visit the cultures of the world but till then I will travel around my own country experiencing the quaint towns and the quaint foodie places. I will explore it in the eyes of a Granny.

I will still have my online book store but I do need to venture forth and make things happen. Nobody else will make it happen so I need to move this delectable butt of mine and get things started. It's all about finding ones Passion again and I am going to enjoy doing it. 

The time is now, time is short and very precious so no more screwing around and making excuses. If I don't do it now I never will. So everyone its like Buzz Lightyear says: "To infinity and beyond."